Messy Monday ... x2 .. on Wednesday? FAIL.

Hey girls,

Oy vey, it’s been so long since I posted on here! I really am so sorry about that. I have a very long list detailing why I didn’t post last week (or on time this week), but really they’re all just stupid excuses. The truth is that I didn’t feel like posting, and I just couldn’t make myself do it.

I have, however, been getting better about reading my Bible and spending time in reflection everyday, so that’s happy. So a passage that really stuck out to me recently was 1 Peter 1:8-9: “…And though not seeing Him now, you believe in Him and rejoice with inexpressible joy, because you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” So, I usually find it pretty hard to have blind faith. I like to think that I have constant faith, but truthfully, I really like to keep my own self-produced, self-sufficient plan as a back-up, just in case. This is not the way faith works. I should be praising and trusting in God, not contemplating what-ifs.

So what’ve I been up to these past two weeks, you may ask? Well, I’ve been quite busy actually. When I last updated you guys (via email, not even actually on the blog), I was in Southern California, headed to San Francisco. Since then: I went to San Fran, on a day it was actually sunny and completely beautiful; watched one of my favorite uncles get married in Long Beach, CA; went swimming; got a tan/sunburn; visited my cousin in Laguna Beach; flew back to Michigan; spent a day and a half overcoming the jet lag; visited high school friends; packed my life into the back of the car to come to the biostation; came to the biostation; met some awesome people; went to my first class yesterday; went to Mackinaw today to learn about forests; and am continuing to hang out with said awesome people. Yup, things are going pretty well up here at camp. Except, even though I’m only an hour from home, I’m a little bit homesick. I know it’s probably just because I’m in a new place, but I feel like I’m going to be tempted to go home any time I have a day off (which is three days a week). I mean, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, because I want to spend time with my family and friends in Charlevoix, but I want to become a part of the community here, too. Sighhhhh. I’m sure I’ll be fine in a few days. It’s just kind of weird right now because classes haven’t really picked up yet, so I feel much more like I’m at summer camp than at college.

Anyway, that’s enough about me. I hope you all are doing well. I love and miss you all and continue to keep you in my prayers!

<3 Shelby

p.s. Sorry this isn't all that long, but I really don't like trying to find internet here at the biostation, so yeah. See y'all next week. :)

alas! again i am late :(

hey girls! :) sorry i'm typing up this post so late. i was going to update this earlier today but i had to head out so this is the first chance i got to really sit down, read the Bible and gather my thoughts together and blog.

today's BRP matthew 10 really spoke to me about going out and preaching God's word to the nations.

7As you go, preach this message: 'The kingdom of heaven is near.' 8Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy,[b]drive out demons. Freely you have received, freely give.

26"So do not be afraid of them. There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. 27What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs.

these two verses remind me of what we talked about when we were reading through the passage about the sower (mark 4), when Jesus talked about how a lamp should be put on a stand instead of just in a bowl, and about how what was hidden will now be brought to the light. and it really reminds me that my testimony, what God has been teaching me, even the Gospel, are all things that are meant to be shared. i pray for opportunities and the boldness to share my testimony here, at home.

28Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. 29Are not two sparrows sold for a penny[d]? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. 30And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

this passage always is a good reminder to me, hahaha. i was reading the beginning of this book my friend recommended to me (it's called out of the saltshaker and into the world or something like that, i think; i'll let you know when i'm done with it whether it's good or not hahah), and the author was talking about how she was really afraid to share the gospel with people at first, but then she came to realize that this was because she feared man. the person she really should be fearing is God, and once she realized that, she could share the gospel more freely and boldly.

ok, this post is getting kind of long hahaha. i'll conclude with one last thing :) today i think God kind of rebuked me. i was cooking lunch for myself, and i realized midway through cooking for myself that i should probably cook for my sister as well. i knew that she could do basic things like heat up water and make instant noodles, and i also knew that my brother would never cook for her. but i was really lazy, so i fixed something really quick for myself, and then i sat down and started eating. then midway through eating, i realized that hey, if my sister were instead a newcomer to our life group, or even someone i was trying to get to know from the dorms or some other place, i would NEVER, EVER have let her cook for herself like that. i would have jumped at the chance to serve her, to show her God's love through my actions. and that was when i realized, this is my problem. i don't have a ministry mindset here at home. this will make me sound so spoiled, but honestly what i needed, my mom gave me, when i was back home. i rarely thought about serving other people, much less my siblings. but how much of a hypocrite am i, if i won't even do something so small for my siblings?

i've been complaining about how i don't know how to reach out to my brother and sister, i don't know how to get them to play with me instead of staring at their own computer screens. i've been complaining about how i don't know how to engage my parents. if this were ann arbor, and this were my life group/my hall for the coming year, i know that i would be trying to figure out what they would like to do, and trying to serve them and engage them, and i would be praying for them a lot, and i would be pouring myself out to them. i haven't been doing that here at all. and today God was really, really strongly convicting me of that, hahaha. ok. tomorrow i'm fasting from my laptop. and my parents are also not going to work! hahaha. because it's Independence Day here in HK. pray for me girls :) pray that i will be able to spend really, really good time with my family. that i will try really hard to get to know them. to reach out to them.

tacky....

hi...i know i missed last week and im bordering on missing this week but im posting! ahhh so tacky i know i know

anywhoo, its been busier lately preparing for summer missinos (we had our first day in detroit today!) and also i had a visit from my BFF last weekend which was a lot of fun, but threw me off in terms of posting on the bloggie.

this past week was pretty hard for me. its kind of funny because i say that pretty much every week, but honestly u guys...I think God has really broken me all spring term long. the hits just kept coming. this past week, i realized how selfish i am in regards to how i treat older sisters in my life... i tend to take advantage of them and expect them to be there for me all the time whenever i want. i got into a few arguments with a few of them recently, and through it all, i just realize how ugly i am. this is good though! because without udnerstanding the depth of my sin, i would not really appreciate or understand how much i need a savior aka JESUS to cleanse my sins!!!

here is a great passage that kept popping up to me this past week... both in personal times and also during the sermon on sunday!

16 “This is the new covenant I will make
with my people on that day,[c] says the Lord:
I will put my laws in their hearts,
and I will write them on their minds.”[d]
17 Then he says,
“I will never again remember
their sins and lawless deeds.”[e]

18 And when sins have been forgiven, there is no need to offer any more sacrifices.

people used to donate like lambs or animals as sacrifice for their sins but it wasn't enough and so jesus dies as the ultimate sacrifice. and this is a NEW covenant. God totally forgives us for our sins and all he asks us is that we continue not to sin anymore. I think if we are able to understand the magnitude of Jesus sacrifice then we wont sin any longer...


ok i have to go now i love u all! <3

Sav on Saturday

I'm working through both Proverbs and Matthew right now. I just finished the Psalms, so I haven't read very much of Proverbs yet.

One of my favorite Psalms is 139.

"Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out,
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God - you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration - what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day." (Psalm 139:13-16)

Isn't that just beautiful? I was reading it, and I realized just how much God loves and adores me. I have not been treating myself like a precious child of God. I have been treating myself with hatred and cruelty. Carol helped me realize that treating myself like that is putting a barrier between me and God. It is very hard to fully love God when I cannot love His creation. Thus I made a vow on Monday to not hurt myself anymore, and to forgive myself if I fail and let God pick me up again. It's going to be hard, I'm not naive, but I trust in God to help me and give me the strength that I need.

This week has been far better than the past few weeks. I finally got a job at Borders!!! I'm starting July 15th after my family gets back from a vacation in Tennessee. It should last during the school year as well. My friend and I went out for ice cream to celebrate, so that definitely made me happy. :) Please keep both my sister and I in prayer. We're both adjusting to new medication and experiencing withdrawl from the old ones, so our house is pretty tense lately. Other than that, it has been rather well!

I hope ya'll are having wonderful weeks too!

about that....

yea guys sorry i didn't post last week....so to update everyone, i feel like God has been really blessing my family lately, my mom had an interview for a new job and she said it went great. normally she gets really nervous and timid but after praying for herself (and i did too!) she said that she didnt even know where half her answers came from. also, i feel like reaching out to God lately about my future has really been helping, i feel like im making progress which is exciting. speedway is getting better, the time goes by faster now.....AMEN! hahah anyway, ummm i'm also going to boston soon to visit dalbert and im really excited about that too.

i'm continuing with romans 14 the whole passage is about equality when it comes to christianity...not equality as in everyone is at the same level but as in how christians treat other christians. since we are all serving the greater good, it is important to not belittle others' faith and to respect them because this is pleasing to God. There really wasnt a specific verse or anything that stuck out to me but really the whole passage. Alot of times i justify my actions based on the fact that people have "lower" faith than i do. I often rationalize to myself "well if they can do (something) out of their "lower, less involved" faith and God still loves them then i can because I have a "better" relationship with Christ. That sounds soo mean and I'm not sure if it really made sense...but that's how i think...so yeah

"Wednesday"

I guess I'm using my "192-hour grace" since I should've last posted--God's grace is limitless, right?

Sorry for my extreme tackiness in regards to this blog. I've honestly just been struggling a lot lately, I think especially just doubts in regards to how much I agree with HMCC's vision have made me question whether or not to stay at the church which to some extent brings a sense of compromise either way...but for now, I've decided to stay, and continue to try to challenge my beliefs as they stand and see if they hold strong. I know this is all kind of vague. I intended to address it a little in the post from two weeks ago that I only half-finished, but I think there's still some further reflection I need to go through first.

But, in this post, I want to focus not on doubts but on how to maintain a consistent and intimate relationship with God despite that.

So, I've hinted at this a little in my past few posts, but the one thing that has kept me totally in awe of God and thus safe from complete struggle lately has been this amazing wonder at his sovereignty and perfect timing. I know this all sounds so cliche, but I feel like just as I had completely written out having a father figure in my life, just as I had put that relationship completely in the past and established a compromised identity of only child from a single-parent family, God sovereignly placed my father back in my life. And slowly too, because He knew I would struggle. But he used these past two years to challenge me to let my father back into my life and to learn to love him and accept his role in my life (even in shaping my past). And even though I struggled against it so much and never really believed it was completely possible for me to do either, God continued to challenge me. As I shared a few weeks ago, I met my father for the first time in 10 years. This past weekend, I met with him and his fiancee again as well as my youngest half-sister for the first time.

While these relationships are still flawed and I can't say I have the same pure love for my dad that I have for my sister, I have just been so amazed at God. I feel like I've always strayed away from Hollywood endings for my family. Though throughout my life I've always consciously or unconsciously wanted a father or siblings, I figured I would never have them, and so I desensitized myself to that desire, and was left only with a vague sort of envy at those who took for granted turning to their father's for advice, meeting up with them over a meal, etc. and meeting up with their sisters all in one place. I think I still feel like I'm leading this double life because even in it's stark reality, this and the things to come are so far from what I ever imagined. My other sister, Audrey, also just moved back to Michigan (to Bay City, very close to Saginaw) this summer after living in Minnesota, and that too is just another link in God's timing.

Sorry to ramble on, but I guess I just really wanted to share that testimony of God's goodness in my life. Despite my serious lack of faithfulness these past few weeks, and I guess over a life time, God has been infinitely faithful.

I'll try to be brief on this last part, but I want to share a piece of our bible study at life group last night that is related to the idea of wonder. The Message paraphrase of Galatians 3:2-6 is this:

"Let me put this question to you: How did your new life begin? Was it by working your heads off to please God? Or was it by responding to God's Message to you? Are you going to continue this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. If you weren't smart enough or strong enough to begin it, how do you suppose you could perfect it? Did you go through this whole painful learning process for nothing? It is not yet a total loss, but it certainly will be if you keep this up!

Answer this question: Does the God who lavishly provides you with his own presence, his Holy Spirit, working things in your lives you could never do for yourselves, does he do these things because of your strenuous moral striving or because you trust him to do them in you? Don't these things happen among you just as they happened with Abraham? He believed God, and that act of belief was turned into a life that was right with God."

I feel like Paul is speaking as much to me as the Galatians here. Even though I began my Christian walk in wonder of God and even times like now, I come back to that wonder, I so quickly trade it for my own self-sufficiency and independence again. Honestly, it's as if I'm saying, "God you've been good, but not good enough." In relation to this passage, we talked a lot last night about the relationship between wonder and fear. Fear is definitely the conditioned form of wonder. Both deal with the unknown, but where wonder promotes a sense of curiosity at what's unknown and a sense of trust that whatever comes will be good, fear brings with it worry and anxiety which are ultimately attempts to try to control what comes next, not believing that it could be purely good. Similarly, in our walks with God, sometimes we are in a state of wonder of what comes next for us, but more often we fear the unknown and try to control it by our own means rather than just trusting Him and we pay the price for it in feeling far from Him.

Ultimately, I think it really comes down to what Pastor Pete wrote in the weekly email that was sent out today: "We are at this moment as close to God as we really choose to be. True, there are times when we would like to know a deeper intimacy, but when it comes to the point, we are not prepared to pay the price involved." - J. Oswald Sander I think we try to gain intimacy with God by our own efforts--praying, reading the Bible, etc.--and we think that if we do these things and still don't connect with God, we're failing. But we are so emotionally conditioned. We think always in terms of "feeling close to God" even though He is always close to us. I think sometimes what we really need in order to restore our faith is not action--though I don't discount that you can find God again through continuing routine--but wonder and an ability to just sit still with God, in thankfulness of His work in your life, reflecting on how He has moved you in the past, remembering the truths of his character...

Heavenly Father, I lift up Shelby, Erica, Elizabeth, Amanda, Carol, Savannah, Abel, and Martha to you. Even from many of their posts and conversations with them, I sense that as a community we are struggling to see you Lord, struggling to find your clear presence and even direction in our lives. We question why you have brought us by certain paths, why we've had to feel so much hurt, why no matter what we do, we can't seem to get as close to you as we desire. I pray that this week, this summer, we would be able to come back to a child-like sense of wonder, Lord, that we may be able to see our lives not as our own, but in your hands. Your hands that have never released us from your embrace. May we be able to thank you, Lord, for your sovereignty and guidance. We try so hard to reach up far enough to connect with you, but you've had your arms stretched out to us all along.

I pray too that this community would grow in intimacy too. Not that we are each independently struggling or growing, but that we would be able to testify to each other of your work in our lives as well as our questions and doubts and support each other in everything. Guide our footsteps, our every action. We love you. We trust you. We praise you. Amen :)

again utilizing the 24-hour grace period...

hey girls :)

today i read isaiah 54-55 in conjunction, and i really encourage you to read through these two chapters on your own, they are really beautiful.

1 "Sing, O barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,"
says the LORD.

isaiah 54 starts out with this promise, and in romans paul explains that this verse is talking about how sarah (abraham's wife), the "barren woman", bore more children than hagar, the slave woman, because all of us who believe in Jesus by faith and who have been saved are also sarah's children.

the rest of the chapter goes on to talk about how God is going to call israel back to home the way a husband would call back "deserted and distressed in spirit", a widow. it seems as though God has abandoned Israel, but he will come back.

8 In a surge of anger
I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
I will have compassion on you,"
says the LORD your Redeemer.

9 "To me this is like the days of Noah,
when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth.
So now I have sworn not to be angry with you,
never to rebuke you again.

10 Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,"
says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

i don't know if this is necessarily the right way for me to read this chapter, but i read it as a dual promise, both for the Jews after they come back from exile, and for those Gentiles who will be brought into the family through their faith in Christ. and i just read through matthew henry (really famous Christian who wrote a really famous commentary on the Bible hahah)'s commentary on Isaiah, and he agrees with me so i guess that is how this chapter should be read hahah.

11 "O afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted,
I will build you with stones of turquoise, [a]
your foundations with sapphires. [b]

12 I will make your battlements of rubies,
your gates of sparkling jewels,
and all your walls of precious stones.

i feel like this part is almost talking about heaven, because that's how the New Jerusalem is described in Revelation, with 12 foundations laid by 12 different types of precious stones, and 12 pearl gates (that's where the Pearly Gates of Heaven come from i guess hahaha), and streets of gold.

most of all, i absolutely love the last part of ch. 54

14 In righteousness you will be established:
Tyranny will be far from you;
you will have nothing to fear.
Terror will be far removed;
it will not come near you.

15 If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing;
whoever attacks you will surrender to you.

16 "See, it is I who created the blacksmith
who fans the coals into flame
and forges a weapon fit for its work.
And it is I who have created the destroyer to work havoc;

17 no weapon forged against you will prevail,
and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.
This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD,
and this is their vindication from me,"
declares the LORD.

i think this promise is absolutely beautiful. God is saying, you know what, i created satan. i created the materials used to make weapons against you. therefore, i am more powerful, and so you don't need to be afraid. nothing forged against you will ever prevail. that is such a beautiful promise, hahaha.

since this post is getting really long i won't comment too much on ch. 55, except to say that it is basically an invitation to anyone who is thirsty or hungry to come to God and have their hunger be satisfied.

10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.

Lord, i want to pray for carol, lizz, shelby, martha, savanna, amanda, elizabeth. i pray that as we seek you through your word this summer, your word will accomplish its purpose in our lives, and allow us to understand you better and to love you more. may we have an insatiable hunger to want to understand and know you better, and may you encourage, rebuke, build up, exhort, teach, or do whatever you please as we spend time with you daily. :)

Sunday on Monday

Greetings!!

Continuing on with Proverbs,

"Anxiety in a man's heart depresses it, but a kindly word makes it glad."

A good reminder to me that when I sense that somebody is feeling sad or anxious, I can really help them feel better by just a "kindly word". Cheesy, but yeah, still true.

"Wealth quickly gotten dwindles away, but amassed little by little, it grows."

One of those common sensical concepts that I have never really thought about in a direct way. I guess its, slow but steady wins the race. That's always a comforting idea. Good to have God's stamp of approval. haha

"He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him takes care to chastise him."

This seems to be about justice again. Love actually does translate into justice, because justice reinforces an understanding of what is right and wrong, good and bad. The father wants his son to have this understanding because he loves him!! Don't think I plan on using the rod on my kids though.

"Even in laughter the heart may be sad, and the end of joy may be sorrow."

Seems that Solomon is just stating a fact of life here. He may be implying that our emotions do not tell us what is right and wrong, we have to search in our hearts. Wow I am sorry for this cheesiness.

"He who oppresses the poor blasphemes his Maker, but he who is kind to the needy glorifies him."

I had never thought of it this way before: Helping the disadvantaged and needy glorifies God, because it affirms that EVERYTHING God created is deserving of our love. To be disgusted by an individual (a person, not an action) is to sort of offend God.
__________________

So yesterday, I went to Catholic Mass with a fellow Catholic intern, and I came to a realization that the biggest thing I could not stand about Catholic mass back in the day was the AWFUL music. It seems that there is like a canon of Catholic hymns that are accepted and that they sing in Catholic churches around the country on a sort of cyclical basis. They are mostly written by these three people: Dan Schute, Mary Haugen, and David Haas. Anyway, the main point is that this music is not conducive to prayer. I would be trying to pray during mass and then all of a sudden the flute and piano would start up in some jingly hymn that did not fit the mood at all. It is actually pretty sad.. Even silence would be better.

The sermon was pretty good though, it was about the part in the Gospels when Jesus asks his Apostles, "and you, who do you say that I am?" or something like that, and they respond, "You are the Christ, our savior, the son of God" or something like that, and he "rebukes" them. The priest pointed out that Jesus was not rebuking them because they were incorrect, but because he did not want himself to be put up on a pedestal - he wanted to be seen as our humble servant, a lamb, not as like an almighty, sort of prince-like figure.

<3

Sav on Saturday

So I've read this passage in Matthew, like, a million times before, but it really hit me this week.

Matthew 11: 28-30

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Isn't that amazing?! How I wish I were better at keeping Jesus' company. I tend to get so caught up with myself and my troubles that I forget that a better life is available to me. Jesus came to bring freedom, true freedom, yet I seem to have developed a fondness for slavery. It sickens me on some level, my twisted nature, but I can't seem to want a better life, a life that God can give me.

It's like, I'm addicted to frustration, anger, depression, anxiety, and a hopeless life. What sort of person finds comfort in such misery rather than in the arms of her Savior? Yet on some level, don't we all do that? Don't we shun the "unforced rhythms of grace" in favor of the familiarity of life without God? So anyways, that's what I've been thinking about.

This week has been a mix. I went to the college small group at my parents' church. Although I scratched beforehand because I was super nervous, it turned out to be a good experience. The theme was community and sharing, so we all told our testimonies. I enjoyed it. Other than that, and a few highlights of friends visiting me, it was another rough week. Whatever. Next week's a new beginning.

Miss and love you all!

utilizing the 24-hour grace period :)

sorry girls >< i'm really bad at posting on tuesday...

anyway,i just wanted to share with you all today about how reading through isaiah has really been giving me a a really strong picture of who God is. through all the past couple passages in which God issued challenge after challenge to the idols, i have been seeing how God is so glorious and zealous for his name. i get this mental image of God pleading with all these blind and deaf people heedlessly worshipping idols made of wood or precious metal, saying “why on earth are you bowing down to these things that are made out of the exact same material as what you make a fire out of!? i’m the one who created those things! come to me, please, i’m the only one who can protect you, i’m the only one with any power in this world, come to me, please. i love you.”

from my quiet time today:

- i had to catch up on yesterday's BRP too, and as i was reading through isaiah 47 and revelation 17 i thought it was really cool seeing how the two prophesies about the end of Babylon, and how God is going to destroy them, parallel each other. i wonder if Babylon is literally the city of Bablyon (because that's what it seems like in isaiah) or symbolically stands for something very evil (which is what it seems like in revelation)?
- i love the last part of isaiah 48
12 "Listen to me, O Jacob,
Israel, whom I have called:
I am he;
I am the first and I am the last.

13 My own hand laid the foundations of the earth,
and my right hand spread out the heavens;
when I summon them,
they all stand up together.

14 "Come together, all of you, and listen:
Which of the idols has foretold these things?
The LORD's chosen ally
will carry out his purpose against Babylon;
his arm will be against the Babylonians. [a]

15 I, even I, have spoken;
yes, I have called him.
I will bring him,
and he will succeed in his mission.

16 "Come near me and listen to this:
"From the first announcement I have not spoken in secret;
at the time it happens, I am there."
And now the Sovereign LORD has sent me,
with his Spirit.

17 This is what the LORD says—
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
"I am the LORD your God,
who teaches you what is best for you,
who directs you in the way you should go.

18 If only you had paid attention to my commands,
your peace would have been like a river,
your righteousness like the waves of the sea.

19 Your descendants would have been like the sand,
your children like its numberless grains;
their name would never be cut off
nor destroyed from before me."

20 Leave Babylon,
flee from the Babylonians!
Announce this with shouts of joy
and proclaim it.
Send it out to the ends of the earth;
say, "The LORD has redeemed his servant Jacob."

21 They did not thirst when he led them through the deserts;
he made water flow for them from the rock;
he split the rock
and water gushed out.

22 "There is no peace," says the LORD, "for the wicked."

that's all from me for now! :) pray for my stats 350 exam tomorrow! hahah. hope you all are having a blessed week.
erica

It is actually Sunday!!

So I am still in the Proverbs, and now the Collection of the Proverbs of Solomon has begun. These chapters seem to be filled with several different ways of saying "good is good, evil is evil", but here are some of the more interesting ones:

"It is the Lord's blessing that brings wealth, and no effort can substitute for it."

"The hope of the just brings them joy, but the expectation of the wicked comes to naught."

"When pride comes, disgrace comes; but with the humble is wisdom."

"For lack of guidance a people falls; security lies in many counselors."

"A kindly man benefits himself, but a merciless man harms himself."

The first one of course is a good reminder that all good things come from God, from his love for us and nothing else. Why do I ever convince myself that I accomplished something by myself? God is always right there with me, like Footprints in the Sand :)

The second one goes back to the falsity of that mindset: that sin is debt and good works earn us grace. My hope for God's grace is a humble hope because I know that all the power is His. If I slip into thinking, expecting, that God owes me anything, then I have lost sight of the bigger picture.

The next two sort of remind me of something I have been feeling for a while, but haven't done anything about. I feel like I don't ask for enough advice from people in my life. I have so much pride that I want to figure out everything by myself and I don't trust anyone else's conclusions. Either that, or I am just plain scared to ask for advice.. I think I need practice.

Okay, and finally, the last one was a pleasant surprise. It sort of affirms that Oprah wisdom that I believe in - that until I love myself, I cannot truly love other people. And that if I cannot forgive myself, I cannot forgive others. Forgiveness is so important and such a huge headline virtue when I think of the nature of God. And yet I give up on it so easily.

Also, that last one reminded me of something I read recently - the three stages of female moral maturity according to someone called Gilligan:

1. Good = what feels good, getting things for yourself.
2. Good = Giving to others, self-sacrifice. The greater the personal sacrifice the better the deed.
3. Good = Treating all humanity with compassion and respect. Recognizing that "I" am a human being deserving of the same respect due to others.

Somethin' to think about..

I have been goood. Made more banana bread today, did laundry, other homey-ish things. I am ALMOST done with The Seven Storey Mountain by Thomas Merton. Maybe I will write about that at some point.

At my job, several new interns have arrived. Most are cool, but a couple of them are *painfully* arrogant, and believe it or not they are seriously challenging my compassion. We will see how it goes.

nom nom

ok, i will be probably posting on saturdays from now on lol

things were starting to look up this past week for me... i have had a few revelations about myself, about God and life in general.

about me:i have known for a while that i find a lot of my significance i find in my relationships with people...especially older sisters. i think i depend on them too much to "help" me grow in my relationship with God. i also noticed myself getting so disappoined and unloved when they dont give me all the time or attention i want. i realized how this distracts me from fully seeking God with all my heart. so this week I decided to try and be less needy towards them and more needy towards God. i think its working! w00t w00t. ill see how it carries out this week and stuff too but i like it so far.

anyways, tryign to learn more about the gospel. learned a new method of studyign the bible...asking 3 questions. what did u learn about 1.God 2. yourslef 3. the gospel. I will do this with john 8.

background info--> a woman who was committing adultery was suppoesd to get stoned for punishment. Jesus said that whoever has not sinned has the right to punish that woman. so the crowd left but jesus went up to the woman and did not stone her:

10 Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”
11 “No, Lord,” she said.
And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

12 Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.”

we have no right to judge other people because we are all sinners. i've been seeing more of my uglyness lately just in terms of being annooyed with people over petty things or sometimes i even majorly sin out of selfishness. regardless, i know i am bad. lol but the cool thing i got from the first chunk of scripture 10-12 is that even though Jesus has every right to punish us because He is sin-free, he chooses not to. All he asks of us is that we sin no more. such a simple request, yet we always break it dont we? Instead of punishing us for OUR sins, he takes the sin for himself and dies on the cross for us.

in regards to verse 12, sin leads to death, a relationship with jesus leads to life. i feel like we all know these things, but at the end of the day, im wondering if it penetrates our hearts enough. i know it doesn't mean enough to me. but i am realizing that instead of chasing all these alternatives to make myself temporarily happy and ultimately sinning, that maybe if I was chasing a relationshpi with God then perhaps I would experience a more fruitful and abundant life?

34 Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave of sin. 35 A slave is not a permanent member of the family, but a son is part of the family forever. 36 So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.

We are all slaves of sin since we all sin. But the beauty of the gospel message can be seen in light of our sins! We have a choice to believe in Jesus and his power to set us free from our sin!

nom nom

Sav on Saturday

I wish I had something profound to share with you all this week. The truth is, I have really been struggling these past few days, and I have not done very much Bible reading. I've done a lot of praying, but not much listening. Nonetheless, God continues to reach out to me because His grace is given based on who He is, not based on what I do to earn it.

I did find comfort in this passage:

"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life" (Philippians 4:6-7).

If I may be honest, worry has been the center of my life this past week. I worry about finding a job. I worry about fitting in at NorthRidge Church in Plymouth. I worry about my past failures. I worry about my present failures. I worry about never getting better. I worry about disappointing my parents. I worry about what people would think of me if they knew I have depression and anxiety. I worry about what people would do if they caught me scratching my arms. I worry about God giving up on me. I even worry about worrying!

I've been spiraling down, and it is absolutely frightening. The one hope I cling to is that God has not forgotten me. I am not invisible to the King of this world. Like the psalms proclaim again and again, God hears my cry for help.

With that said, I haven't done much this week besides worry. I'm working on a new quilt, but I haven't gotten much done at this point. I haven't even read much! I'm just hoping for a fresh start tomorrow.

I miss you all and love you so very much!

happy thursday :D

Ok so hi ya'll, well i just ate a bunch of potato chips and now i feel sick haha. So it is official I will be making my way down to ann arbor on sunday and my mom is coming too, you peeps in aa could meet her. i'm really excited to be back, i miss ann arbor, its such a pretty town. my dad said he saw aa featured on a pure michigan comericial, which by that way those commericals give me goose bumps every time, haha even though i have not seen the aa one. anyway im rambling, work is starting to go by faster, and my trip to boston is coming up in less than a month. we are going to go to six flags and go sea kayaking OH MY GOSH IM SO EXCITEDDD and i guess dale's cool too :). anyway so im continuing with romans 13. There is a particular verse that stuck out to me since it was basically the message of one of the sermons at my home church. Verse 11 "And do this, understanding the present time. The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because salvation is nearer now than when we first believed."

The sermon was basically about how alot of christians try to get closer and closer to some sort of line that divides indulging in sins and being a faithful christian. i can say at least for myself that is something i often do, i push my limits and i think sometimes that exploits grace to be honest. my pastor talked about how you can't put christian things off and live in the now while being a christian because you don't know when Jesus is coming back, and it might be too late. I was just really blessed by that sermon and i thought i would share it with all of you since that verse reminded me of it. See you guys in a few days :)

24-hour fail...

Lol, missed my blog post by a little, but I guess I'll exercise the 24-hour grace period Carol came up with...

I've been so exhausted in the evenings lately and literally don't want to do ANYTHING when I get home! Today's no exception, especially because today's just been really long and kind of emotionally draining.

But I just want to start off with two really big praises. First, I got up early this morning to work on a paper and I checked my email and...there was a financial aid notice. Basically, for this coming fall/winter, the university is offering me enough scholarship and grant money to cover tuition, rent, and some of my food expenses as well! I almost fell over when I read it. And then I emailed my mom with a billion exclamation points. And then I just stopped and sort of traded off between praying and just randomly like squealing for joy to myself. But seriously, this is such an amazing blessing, and it's really an opportunity just to turn to God in praise for his faithfulness in my life.

Second praise, my dad and I met Sunday for the first time in about 10 years! I was nervous and thought it would be awkward or sad and all these other things, but it was actually really really good.

So, I think that usually I choose to talk about a bible passage that I pretty much have figured out--not to undermine that I might still find more the next time I go back, but I don't usually choose a passage that I'm still really stuck on. But I've come back to this passage a few times this week and am still wrestling through it.

I'm getting really sleepy as I'm writing this, so I'll share it today, and I'll come back to this tomorrow and share some of my thoughts on it!

"Let me sing for my beloved
my love-song concerning his
vineyard:
My beloved had a vineyard
on a very fertile hill.
He dug it and cleared it of
stones,
and planted it with choice
vines;
he built a watchtower in the
midst of it,
and hewed out a wine vat in it;
he expected it to yield grapes,
but it yielded wild grapes.

And now, inhabitants of Jerusalem
and people of Judah,
judge between me
and my vineyard.
What more was there to do for
my vineyard that I have not done in it?
When I expected it to yield grapes,
why did it yield wild grapes?

And now I will tell you

what I will do to my vineyard.

I will remove its hedge,

and it shall be devoured;

I will break down its wall,

and it shall be trampled down.

I will make it a waste;

it shall not be pruned or hoed,

and it shall be overgrown with

briers and thorns;

I will also command the clouds

that the rain no rain upon it."

-Isaiah 5:1-6

erica's turn! :)

i was reading through revelation 9, and the last verse of the passage really struck me:

20The rest of mankind that were not killed by these plagues still did not repent of the work of their hands; they did not stop worshiping demons, and idols of gold, silver, bronze, stone and wood—idols that cannot see or hear or walk. 21Nor did they repent of their murders, their magic arts, their sexual immorality or their thefts.

the whole chapter describes God's judgment on the earth, all the different plagues that he brings upon the inhabitants of earth, and still they will not repent. it reminds me of all the different chapters i've also been reading in Isaiah (for instance isaiah 30:17-18), where God allows all these things to happen to Judah so that it will finally repent and come back to him. i really pray that my heart will never be hardened, especially not to that extent - so that even though God is screaming for my attention, i completely ignore him.

this chapter also reminds me of romans 1:18-28, where it says that

18The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, 19since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

again, no matter how hard God tries to get their attention, they ignore him.

another thing from this passage that really struck me was God's sovereignty over everything - even as all these horrible disasters happen, God dictates when people can be killed, and when they can only be tortured (4They were told not to harm the grass of the earth or any plant or tree, but only those people who did not have the seal of God on their foreheads. 5They were not given power to kill them, but only to torture them for five months. And the agony they suffered was like that of the sting of a scorpion when it strikes a man. 6During those days men will seek death, but will not find it; they will long to die, but death will elude them.). all these horrible things are happening, but God is still completely in control of what is happening. it reminds me of the times when horrible things happen in my own life, and i doubt whether or not God is still sovereign.

one last observation, hahah. i realize this post is getting long.

4They were told not to harm the grass of the earth or any plant or tree, but only those people who did not have the seal of God on their foreheads.

this promise, that those who God marked out as his own cannot be harmed, is so powerful and so poignant. i love how in ch. 7 God explicitly orders that nothing can be harmed until he has gone through the earth and marked out who belongs to him. it reminds me of another passage in Isaiah (sorry, been reading too much of isaiah lately, i guess, hahah):

8 And a highway will be there;
it will be called the Way of Holiness.
The unclean will not journey on it;
it will be for those who walk in that Way;
wicked fools will not go about on it. [a]

9 No lion will be there,
nor will any ferocious beast get up on it;
they will not be found there.
But only the redeemed will walk there,

10 and the ransomed of the LORD will return.
They will enter Zion with singing;
everlasting joy will crown their heads.
Gladness and joy will overtake them,
and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

ok. that is all for me. i just got back from morning prayer not so long ago, and i've been feeling really refreshed, because for the past couple days i've been spending some really good quality time praying to God. i encourage you guys to do it too! prayer really is how i invite God and give him permission to come and do whatever he wants in my life, and i always end up feeing really refreshed after a good time of prayer :) hope everybody's summer's been awesome!

love,
erica

p.s. sorry i haven't been keeping up on people's posts >< i promise i will try to read them once i get the chance.

Manic Monday

Hello all,

Ok, so I wouldn't actually call today "manic", but I was pretty busy running around, making sure I have things ready - because I'm leaving for California on Wednesday! Woohoo!!! Haha, I'm quite excited.

In other exciting news, I finally checked out a church yesterday! It's called New Hope Community Church. It's non-denominational, and it's new enough that they don't have they're own building, which I found endearing because Harvest didn't have its own building when I first started attending, either. The people there were really nice and welcoming, though honestly, it was a little weird not being surrounded by college students. (But obviously, I'm not going to find a college-oriented church community up here.) The service itself was really interesting though, as the pastor talked about "Cures for a Troubled Heart" based from John 14:12-20. He said that within these verses, there are five promises from Jesus that will heal our hearts. It was really enlightening to look at this passage with fresh eyes. I think what stuck out to me most was v. 12:

I assure you: The one who believes in Me will also do the works that I do. And he will do even greater works than these, because I am going to the Father.

I'd always been confused by the second part of this verse, because how are we supposed to do greater things than Jesus? The pastor explained it, though, as meaning that after Jesus' death, His disciples would spread the Word to a greater number of people and places than Jesus personally had ever been able to reach. I guess this makes sense. What really struck me, though, was what he said about God using us to do these works: that God uses our weaknesses and uses us in our times of weakness. On the surface, we tend to think that it'd be "better" (in our opinion) if God used us in our power to do great things, because we would look better. However, that's exactly the problem - WE would look good, and many people would mistake God's grace and His work for our own human capabilities. So really, it makes perfect sense that God would use us in our weakness so that He is clearly displayed, not us.

So, yeah. I thought that was interesting. I'm still not entirely sure if this is the church I'll go to regularly when I get back or if I'll check out other churches. I did like it, though.

Other updates: Still behind in the BRP, but getting closer to being caught up. I've been reading a lot, spending a lot of time with my friends and family, discovering new music, and watching entirely too much tv. Starting Wednesday, I'll be in California for about 2 weeks, so I'm really hoping that I'll be able to post on here for the next two Mondays, but I don't make any promises.

Okay, I hope your weeks are off to great starts!!!!!!

Love you all,
Shelby

Still Sunday?

I so wrote this yesterday, but Blogger was temporarily unavailable between like 10 and midnight haha. I swear.

Proverbs 8: The Discourse of Wisdom

My favorite parts:

"I, Wisdom, dwell with experience,
and judicious knowledge I attain.
...Mine are counsel and advice,
Mine is strength, I am understanding,
By me kings reign,
and lawmakers establish justice."

"On the way of duty I walk,
Along the paths of justice."

"The Lord begot me, the firstborn of
His ways,
The forerunner of his prodigies
Of long ago."

"For he who finds me finds life,
and wins favor from the Lord,
But he who misses me harms himself,
All who hate me love death."

The first section makes it clear that our sense of justice comes from God. Just like everything else, I should feel gratitude for that gift. It's a lot easier for me to see the need to thank God for people coming into my life, or the weather.. in a word - circumstance. It is harder to remember that my sense of appreciation, my understanding of what deserves my gratitude, that sense also comes from God.

Then, the author points out that Wisdom, capital W, exists outside of our existence, saying, "When He established the heavens I was there." So Wisdom isn't something that comes out of our heads. It is a definite "something", the "firstborn of God's ways", which we were created to be able to tap into.

That is a huge relief and a comfort to me for some reason, to think about. The idea that love and justice and wisdom - all those Godly notions - are out there, whether we acknowledge them or not. And when we act within their framework, that is when everything clicks into place and we feel God all the more because we have fit ourselves into his plan, given into his nudges.

"He who misses me harms himself, All who hate me love death."

Sometimes, it is tempting for me, and I give in a lot, to avoid thinking about certain things. Instead of going after wisdom, I go after blissful ignorance, but in doing that I am running away from the life that God hopes that I would choose to live.

I'm doin pretty good over here. The weather has been nice. Festival of the Arts just ended, which was cool. I baked banana bread yesterday. mmm.

I miss all of you!

<3 Martha

Sav on Saturday

This post is going to be shorter than my last few ones. Mostly because I want it to be. And I'm tired.

I read a book I wanted to share with you called "When the Enemy Strikes" by Charles F. Stanley. It's about when temptations come, why, and how to withstand them. I filled this book with post-it notes, marking all the places I wanted to write about. Instead of doing what I had planned, I am going to share one verse:

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places" (Ephesians 6:12).

I am guilty of dismissing too many evils as the result of man's weakness. That is true, we are weak. But when we let down our guard of prayer, the devil is stalking us like a lion (1 Peter 5:8). When we let our light shine, when we love like Jesus loved, we are thwarting the devil's plans. I like to pretend the devil does not exist. I like to think we are all good at heart and that evil is a misplaced word that really refers to our perfectly natural animalistic instincts as they coexist with our evolved sense of altruism that comes from our need for community. Wouldn't that be lovely if that were true? No good or evil, only relativism. No responsibility. But that is not the world we live in, nor is it one we would want to live in. If we are not evil at heart, if we are not susceptible to the evilness that lurks within and without, why did Jesus die on the cross?

The truth is that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." We all will face trials and temptations because this world is fallen. But we have hope! "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" (John 16:33).

Jesus loves us. God is the God of second chances, of third chances, of a million chances. I should know. It seems like every day I tempt the mercies of God. And yet his grace never fails, his mercies are "new every morning." This catches my breath every time I think about it. Just a week ago, I was curled in a ball on my bedroom floor, thinking, "How can God save me this time? I've really screwed up now. I'm beyond His grace." And yet here He is. Still loving me and protecting me. Every day I face the devil's taunts, and sometimes I fall victim to them. And God still welcomes me back into His arms. That is love. That is grace. That is hope.

For those who did not read my comment on my post last week, I am now home in Northville, MI. My job in Tennessee did not pan out well, and my parents and I decided it would be best for me to return home. I'm still job-hunting, so keep that in your prayers. I miss you all and hope you are closer to God today than you were yesterday.

boop

i know, im a day late but in my defense i was kind of busy during the day and didn't have time until after access in which case i had to make a poster for resources sale tomorrow and then i accidentally passed out. but i didn't forget!

anyways, as u all know, the summer has been pretty hard for me thus far. especially the past two weeks, and this week , I dont think I have been feeling as down or depressed for a very long time which was another reason i was even more sad. seemed like everything was not going well... even though i was going to morning prayer every day i havent felt so far from God in a while. Lifegroup kind of hard, reminders of past bondages, missions responsibilties, serving on ministry team , etc etc. I felt very broken in all areas of my life

But things started getting better this week. A wise older sister encouraged me to stop fighting with my own strength but to embrace my struggles and use them as a way to see my need for God. This really spoke to me b/c the past few weeks it seemed like i was trying so hard to be "happy" and not sad anymore but the spiritual battle seemed so high and i felt so powerless and tired trying to stop it. annd i realized that even though I feel like my world may be falling apart, that God is still in control of everything and if he is allowing these struggles into my life, it MUST be for a reason b/c he is soverign over my life. maybe all he wanted from me was to struggle so that I could learn to depend on him more.

i also realized that the past few weeks I have been starting to treat God like a vending machine- wanting to use him to solve my problems, bless me and bring me happiness from the things that I wanted. But again, i see my flawed thiknng and realized that God doesn't want me to want Him for the things that he can do for me, but simply seeking God for a relationsihp...whcih is another thing i realized that needds to grow.

how will i accomplish these tasks? i mean i have been praying and i have been reading the word, but i think my heart may not have been in the right place. I dont think that i was appraoching God with the right motives and i am hoping that i will be able to shift my perspective and really learn to follow him with a surrendered heart.

here are 2 verses that spoke to me this week :

Hebrews 12
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Romans 8:38
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

hope u guys are doing well... im trying to be better @ reading all the posts and commenting...its hard sometimes though!

love,

carol

:)

OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYY So i thought i would start with some exciting news :D i think i will be able to make it to the jakarta service. my mom said i could drive her car, since she will say yes to anything that has to do with church and i requested it off about a month ago and we got some new people at the convenient stores of speedway so i should be able to attend. AH HEE HEE. anyway ummm my week has been uneventful, i've been slacking on running so when i do it's HARD..uhhhh. also my friends and i might go to chicago next week so that will be fun even though i need to be saving more money haha. oh well. i already shared this with carol but u had a dream that school started again and i absolutely hated it..i don't know where that came from.

anyway....so im continuing with romans chapter 12. there are SO many great verses here. ones about everyone being one unit under christ, others about following God and not the world. but there is one verse in particular that is SUPER DUPER relevant to my life. 6. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith.

I am really struggling right now with what i should do with my life... i feel like i have little direction and no time...i've really tried to pray but i grow impatient.....maybe i should fast or something.....goll im so lazy. But for real, i feel like i really need to make a list of what im good and what i feel like God has placed in my heart to do for others. I think i have a start but im not really sure and at this point im rambling...sorry this isnt profound or anything....itz just on me mind.

Wednesday! :)

Woo hoooo! We're already half-way through the week! :)

I'm very slowly catching up on the BRP (I'm half-way through the April readings now). But I don't want to rush it. I mean, I could just read straight through for an hour and probably get a lot further but I'm trying to stop and reflect on/journal through what I read, so it's taking a while. My goal is to catch up by the end of June, though!

Earlier this week I was reading through 1 Timothy and the words of 1:5-7 really humbled me: "But the alm of such instruction is love that comes from a pure heart, a good conscience, and sincere faith. Some people have deviated from these and turned to meaningless talk, desiring to be teachers of the law, without understanding either what they are saying or the things about which they are making assertions."

I think that personally sometimes I'm too quick to rely on my own pride and I feel that I could do a lot more in the church (leadership-wise) because I had similar roles in my home church, but then it's verses like these that really humble me and remind me that even though I had those roles, it doesn't mean I was ready for them. Especially what struck me about this passage is the last part "without understanding either what they are saying or the things about which they are making assertions." Realistically, I know a lot about God, but I confess that other than occasional revelations I don't always believe as much about God and have definitely not fully internalized the gospel. If I had, I would have such a greater intimacy with God and would much more readily share my faith! These are both things I really want to grow in this summer and coming year, taking time to wrestle through areas of the gospel and truths of God that I haven't internalized and figure out why...

"Train yourself in godliness, for while physical training is of some value, godliness is valuable in every way, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." --1 Timothy 4:7b-8

Also, my LCG and I got on the topic of whether other religious beliefs are wrong, whether everyone has a place in heaven, etc. last night. And as most of you know the concept of God's justice (at least how it's taught at Harvest via the gospel explosion outline) is something that I really struggle with. Because of the way I was raised and even how I've wrestled out God to be, I struggle with the idea that God would send someone to Hell who never had the chance to know Jesus Christ. As well, I find it hard to support what I see as an elitist view that Christians have the whole truth and that other religions don't have truth to offer as well/see aspects of God that we're too blind to see. But what my LCG said gave me pause for thought. She asked me (paraphrased a bit), "Do you think that you put your justice, or your view of justice, over God's justice? And by that view, because it was God's justice that necessitated Jesus' death on the cross, why do you think Christ had to die?" I know where I stand on the question to a certain extent...but I'm still thinking it through. I thought I would offer it up to you guys as well!

Quick update: Our life group did Iron Chef this past Friday! My roommate Julie came out and it was a lot of fun. Also, Julie and I won as the citizens in Mafia...don't know that I've ever played when the Mafia hasn't won. haha. Then...our LG girls had a sleepover Sunday night and went shopping in Birch Run Monday. Awesome sales but I think I still bought a little too much. hehe.

My dad's coming through Ann Arbor Sunday afternoon to eat lunch with me. I think my youngest half-sister and my dad's fiancee might be there too...PLEASE lift up that time in prayer! Thanks guys. :)

Accountability Questions

We were given this list of accountability questions in my freshman year LG and I find them really helpful to keep myself accountable, especially because a lot of them are things that I honestly wouldn't talk about with other people that often. Journalling through one a day or even a few a week can also just be a good way to get started in reflection if you're like me and sometimes find yourself just totally unfocused. Some of the wording is a little old-fashioned, but the essence is good. haha

1. Have you been a testimony this week to the greatness of Jesus Christ with both your words and actions?
2. Have you been exposed to sexually alluring material or allowed your mind to entertain inappropriate thoughts about someone who is not your spouse this week?
3. Have you lacked any integrity in your financial dealings this week, or coveted something that does not belong to you?
4. Have you been honoring, understanding, and generous in your important relationships this past week?
5. Have you damaged another person by your words, either behind their back or face-to-face?
6. Have you given in to an addictive behavior this week? Explain.
7. Have you continued to remain angry toward another?
8. Have you secretly wished for another's misfortune so that you might excel?
9. Did you finish your reading this week and hear from the Lord? What are you going to do about it?
10. Have you been completely honest with me? (meant for LCG pair...but you can use it to mean God too...)
11. Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I am? In other words, am I a hypocrite?
12. Am I honest in all my acts and words, or do I exaggerate?
13. Do I confidentially pass on to another what was told me in confidence? Can I be trusted?
14. Am I slave to dress, friends, work, or habits?
15. Am I self-conscious, self-pitying, or self-justifying?
16. Did the Bible live in me today?
17. Do I give the Bible time to speak to me every day?
18. Am I enjoying prayer?
19. When did I last speak to someone about my faith?
20. Do I pray about the money I spend?
21. Do I get to bed on time and get up on time?
22. Do I disobey God in anything?
23. Do I insist upon doing something about which my conscience is uneasy?
24. Am I defeated in any part of my life?
25. Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy, or distrustful?
26. How do I spend my spare time?
27. Am I proud?
28. Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold resentment toward, or disregard? If so, what am I going to do about it?
29. Do I grumble and complain constantly?
30. Is Christ real to me?
31. Have you experienced God in your life this week?
32. What is God teaching you?
33. How are you responding to his prompting?
34. What sin do you need to confess?
35. How did you do with your reading this week?

punishment day #4

hey everybody!

i think today i've just been meditating on what it means to turn 100% towards God, so that every temptation i face, i don't think oh no why is it here!? but instead i stare at it and say, i want to obey God instead.

i read revelations 1-2 today. i think one thing i noticed was that throughout the entire pasage is that Jesus always ends with "He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. He who overcomes will not be hurt at all by the second death."

i think that this passage contains a lot that is applicable to the struggles of the church: being lukewarm, forsaking your first love (something i feel like is again separating from me. i'm sorry i am unable to share more insight, but this is the first chance i got to post and since i have to get up kind of early tomorrow i think i'm going to sleep. i might try to post more detailed tomorrow.

love,
erica