boop

i know, im a day late but in my defense i was kind of busy during the day and didn't have time until after access in which case i had to make a poster for resources sale tomorrow and then i accidentally passed out. but i didn't forget!

anyways, as u all know, the summer has been pretty hard for me thus far. especially the past two weeks, and this week , I dont think I have been feeling as down or depressed for a very long time which was another reason i was even more sad. seemed like everything was not going well... even though i was going to morning prayer every day i havent felt so far from God in a while. Lifegroup kind of hard, reminders of past bondages, missions responsibilties, serving on ministry team , etc etc. I felt very broken in all areas of my life

But things started getting better this week. A wise older sister encouraged me to stop fighting with my own strength but to embrace my struggles and use them as a way to see my need for God. This really spoke to me b/c the past few weeks it seemed like i was trying so hard to be "happy" and not sad anymore but the spiritual battle seemed so high and i felt so powerless and tired trying to stop it. annd i realized that even though I feel like my world may be falling apart, that God is still in control of everything and if he is allowing these struggles into my life, it MUST be for a reason b/c he is soverign over my life. maybe all he wanted from me was to struggle so that I could learn to depend on him more.

i also realized that the past few weeks I have been starting to treat God like a vending machine- wanting to use him to solve my problems, bless me and bring me happiness from the things that I wanted. But again, i see my flawed thiknng and realized that God doesn't want me to want Him for the things that he can do for me, but simply seeking God for a relationsihp...whcih is another thing i realized that needds to grow.

how will i accomplish these tasks? i mean i have been praying and i have been reading the word, but i think my heart may not have been in the right place. I dont think that i was appraoching God with the right motives and i am hoping that i will be able to shift my perspective and really learn to follow him with a surrendered heart.

here are 2 verses that spoke to me this week :

Hebrews 12
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Romans 8:38
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

hope u guys are doing well... im trying to be better @ reading all the posts and commenting...its hard sometimes though!

love,

carol