Sav on Saturday

I just finished reading through Ecclesiastes with the help of a little book called "Against the Grain" by Ray Waddle. It's a heavy book of the Bible, perfect for slow afternoons when life seems so short but also eternal. Philosophical but meant for all people. It must be chewed in small pieces and dissected slowly. There are so many gems in this short book, but so many more questions! It's one of those books I'll never quite finish with more answers than wonderings.

Here are a few of the verses that I chewed a little more thoughtfully than others:

"So I hated life, because what is done under the sun was grievous to me; for all is vanity and a chasing after wind" (2:17).

What a confession to find in the Bible! We often do not see such honesty; we often do not even seek after such honesty. Many of us live in a bubble of optimism. Here is one man, however, daring enough to say exactly how he feels. I can relate to the author so much. How often I used to find myself in a pit of despair, hating life and thinking all of it was pointless and meaningless! However, as Waddle points out, there's an upside. In the midst of his pain and depression, the author still lived. He wrote a book. He is not a pessimistic woe-sayer, he is a man in awe of God who questions life and yet finds meaning.

"There is nothing better for mortals than to eat and drink, and find enjoyment in their toil. This also, i saw, is from the hand of God" (2:24).

Is this the voice of a defeatist, declaring that we might as well eat, drink, and be merry since life is pointless? I don't think so. I think he is giving us an order: to seize life and enjoy it since we were put here to fear God and obey His commands. It is almost a duty to be happy. In other chapters, the author reminds us to not forget death and to face mourning, but once we realize the gravity of life's shortness, we should want to live to the fullest and be grateful to God for what we have. Waddle put it this way: "Our limited mental, emotional, and physical equipment is the gear God gave us for God's own reasons. It's not designed to know the mind of God, but to observe the world, learn from experience, live wisely, and praise its Creator."

"In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider; God has made the one as well as the other, so that mortals may not find out anything that will come after them" (7:14).

When life goes well, we praise God. But when life becomes painful and traumatic, we feel this need to come up with answers. The devil is testing us, God is punishing us, we haven't been faithful enough, other people are sinning and we are victims, God is dead, etc. But, as Waddle says, if God has made the day of prosperity and the day of adversity, everything is tossed on its head. We don't have the last word on how God works or why God works, God does. Our minds cannot fathom God and His reasons, but we can thoughtfully remember that God is over all the world. I like this. I really like answers, but I like it even more when people confess that we cannot know the answers. It comforts me more than spiritual hogwash. God is in control; I am not.

"When I applied my mind to know wisdom, and to see the business that is done on earth, how one's eyes see sleep neither day nor night, then I saw all the work of God, that no one can find out what is happening under the sun. However much they may toil in seeking, they will not find it out; even though those who are wise claim to know, they cannot find it out" (8:16-17).

Oh, how I sometimes wish this verse was not true! As I said before, I love knowing things. I love when everything makes sense, and I can see cause and effect and reason. What a neat and orderly universe mine would be! But what a lack of power it would have. What a lack of mystery. God's work is hidden from us but not absent. We can "toil in seeking" all we want, but we will never find all the answers. This is not the church giving boggus advice about "just having faith," it is God saying, "My ways are higher than your ways, my thoughts than your thoughts." Yet this Ecclesiastes author never says not to seek after the work of God. Perhaps half of the sacred romance is seeking after God and then finding that He is enough for all our questions.

"Of making many books there is no end, and much study is a weariness of the flesh" (12:12)

Again, the author is not saying one should not do these things, but he is warning about the end result. In other places, he says that the culmination of wisdom leads to sorrow. The more we follow after God and learn how to live a righteous life, the more sadness we have at the world's faults and cracks. That doesn't mean we shouldn't have wisdom, but the life of the righteous is not always as easy as we would like it to be. I can really relate to the last part of this verse: "much study is a weariness of the flesh." How tired I already a of school! Of searching for knowledge and trying to learn. The more I know, the less I know. What "weariness"! It never ends. In the end though, we are to fear God and keep His commandments. Through Jesus, God is faithful to renew us when we do His work.

As for my own life, I'm starting work next week at Quick Test, a market research company. I will interview people three days a week and then work as night supervisor for two days a week. I'm excited but really nervous.

The last few days have been really rough for me. I've been haunted a lot by the past - my mistakes, the pain I have caused others, etc. It has been extremely challenging to get through certain thoughts and desires without acting upon them. It's only by the grace of God that I haven't done anything I regret. I wish God would free me from these trials, but I've been encouraged by this verse: "So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world." Thank you so much for your prayers and know that God is hearing.

Also, I'm really struggling with despairing at the idea of going back to school in September. It fills me with dread and fear whenever I think about it. Please pray for me to give these fears to God. Anyways, hope you all are doing well! I miss everyone!