Wednesdayyyy

Hey!

It's really been a blessing to read each of your posts every day! I learn a lot from each of you and it's cool to see the updates of what's going on with all of you. :)

Reflecting on Proverbs 30:7-9:

"Two things I ask of you; do not deny them to me before i die: Remove far from me falsehood and lying; give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with the food I need, or I shall be full, and deny you, and say, 'Who is the Lord?'"

I think sometimes the idea of depending on God for provision is a hard concept for Americans to really grasp in a consumerist culture of abundance and always having not only enough but choices in everything. For me too, I feel stretched when I have "just enough," even stuck in the mentality of lack or bitterness at God for not providing.

Like for example this past year. For a lot of the year, even working 35-40 hours a week, every time I paid a bill I would go to the double digits in my bank account. So, around December I cut out spending as much as I could all together--no eating out, no coffee or drinks that didn't come from a meal plan, no anything, really--and still, around January and the start of the semester because a family member needed to borrow some money that they said they could pay back quickly but were unable to, I had this week where I was literally desperate to find a way to pay for school and a rent check due that month and the winter retreat, etc. I kept adding up the numbers but the money I had even combined with my credit card just didn't add up. To add to it, with a glitch in my financial aid, it looked as if my work-study award would be cut and I'd have to volunteer for the semester for America Reads since as a team leader it's a full-year commitment. I remember one day on my mom's suggestion I walked up to Main Street to the Chase bank to see if I could get a credit advance to pay for my rent and after they rejected it, I just walked back sobbing the whole way. I called my mom about half way back and I remember I kept trying to say that we were blessed to have "just enough" but it was so hard to get out those words and I don't know that I really believed it at the time.

But the thing is, even when I had such little faith, God did provide what I needed. The next week, he provided $500 from the University that came out of absolutely no where. My family member was able to pay back the money. Through getting an advance on her retirement fund, my mom was able to give me some money toward school. I was able to get loans to make the semester a little more comfortable. He fixed the glitch with work-study. And all of it really happened in about a week from that walk back from Main Street.

I think for me, I really like to plan ahead and know what to expect. So it really takes mental training to get in the mindset of God providing the daily bread and being able to thank him for providing everything I need--even when I think I need more or something different--but it's true what this verse says at the end, that if we have everything ("if we're full"), then we deny God in our lives. So, albeit slowly, I'm really trying to learn the lesson of greater dependence on God.

So, short update on this week...in one word: BUSY!! Elizabeth has been in town since Sunday and it's been fun getting a chance to hang out at least a little bit, but simultaneously the work for my classes has really been poured out. This week, I have at least 100 pages to read for both classes and a group project and paper due tomorrow for one class. (The paper actually isn't started yet at this point...) I'll keep this brief so I can get started on that paper, but this week has definitely been a blessing too--spending time with Elizabeth, meeting up with conversation partners and a Korean family for whom I'm tutoring their kids, first day volunteering with Northwood ESL, first day of work, first day of LG...it's been full, but really good. PTL!

<3

Lizz