Mellow Monday

Hey guys,

So, the BRP is still slow-going, but I am starting to catch up. Today, though, we're going to talk about the devotional-y thing I wrote about last week. :) I read through Psalm 63 today and listened to the song "American Dream" by Switchfoot. Psalm 63 discusses how we need to truly hunger after God, and how He will truly satisfy if we do so. Verses 1-5 really spoke to me:

1 God, you are my God; I eagerly seek You. I thirst for You; my body faints for You in a land that is dry, desolate, and without water. 2 So I gaze on You in the sanctuary to see Your strength and Your glory. 3 My lips will glorify You because Your faithful love is better than life. 4 So I will praise You as long as I live; at Your name, I will lift up my hands. 5 You satisfy me as with rich food; my mouth will praise You with joyful lips.

Between this passage and the song, I think I just realized how completely inept I am, how inconsistent I am, even in desiring to live for God. The song I mentioned talks about how shallow the traditional American Dream really is. Honestly, I usually pride myself on how I don't live for mainstream things, how I don't believe in or give in to corporate America, and my general disregard for people who do buy into these meaningless, shallow things. Really though, just because I'm thinking like a hippie and trying to go somewhat against the grain of society doesn't necessarily mean I'm living for the right things, does it? I mean, the world isn't strictly split into sellouts and Christians, is it? I don't know, I think there are some bigger heart issues there, because I tell myself I'm going against the mainstream because I'm living for God, but am I really still just living selfishly, for my own desires? Ugh, I'm not sure. I do know, though, that I don't currently have the passion and devotion David wrote about in Psalm 63, and I really wish I did. I suppose that's something to pray about - a consistent heart.

Going off that, my inconsistent heart has resulted in me not checking out any churches yet this summer. Throughout each week, I feel disappointed in myself and truly desire to go to a church to try and get plugged into a community, but then Sunday morning comes, and I just flat out don't do it. Part of this stems from my shameful, selfish desire to sleep in. The other part of the problem comes from the fact that I tend to be painfully shy and insecure in new/unfamiliar situations, and so the idea of going to a new church (alone) really intimidates me. I know that I just need to suck it up, though, and remember that I'm not actually alone.

Anyway, on to more uplifting updates: I spent most of Saturday and Sunday working at the fudge shop I've worked at the past few summers. It was a nice change (I originally wasn't going to work there at all this summer), and I had a great time catching up with my coworkers who I've worked with in the past. I have to say though, I'm really glad I won't be there all summer because the job itself was really just not that enjoyable. My family had a garage sale last Friday and Saturday, and while it was a bit hard parting with some of the items from my childhood, the extra money will be nice. I spent a fair amount of time with my family this weekend, too, and had a nice dinner with my parents and grandparents last night.

Okay, that's all for now. I miss you guys!!!!!
Love, Shelby

P.S. I'm also currently reading "Fast Food Nation" by Eric Schlosser, and it's soooo amazing! You all should check it out. Really. Go. Do it now. hahah ok bye!! <3